For many of us, gathering with family over the holidays is stressful and on a fertility journey, there can be the added stressor of unwanted questions from relatives about “When are you going to have children?”
I remember one participant in my Fertility Well-Being class last year bravely sharing that she was dreading Thanksgiving because she simply did not feel grateful. She was in the midst of grieving a pregnancy loss, and gratitude wasn’t accessible for her in that moment.
Many others in that class nodded in agreement.
There was a lovely softening as people saw they were not alone in what feels so isolating and that it’s ok to feel pissed off about gratitude (we say like it is and keep it really real in my classes!).
In case you’re nodding your head while reading this too, here are a few of the strategies we discussed for managing through Thanksgiving and also how to be with emotions that feel uncomfortable:
Come to Your Senses
Through our senses—the ability to touch, see, smell, taste, and hear—we can ground ourselves. This is helpful for two reasons:
  1. It interrupts the past and future narratives that are constantly looping in our minds.
  2. This can be a gentle way of inclining towards appreciation.
Just small things, like noticing the coziness of the slippers on our feet, the warmth of the mug we’re holding or the fragrance of the tea we’re sipping. Gratitude might feel like too big of a leep but small touch points of appreciating the okayness that is here can be deeply supportive.
It helps us build resiliency and cultivates well-being, right in the midst of moments and even seasons of our lives that feel tender.
Savour the Moment
Allow yourself to linger in the present moment. Notice the sound of birds, the vibrant colors of leaves, or the warmth of a sunbeam through the window. While it won’t change the circumstances or challenges, noticing and allowing yourself to be touched by these small moments of beauty can help buoy you through turbulent emotions.
Make a plan.
Prepare a one-liner for answering questions about family building, this helps lessen the strain of being caught off guard.
Create an ‘exit’ strategy with a predetermined signal to your partner or another friend that means it’s time to leave.
If you know that this type of gathering is simply too much right now and will be more triggering than nourishing, then give yourself permission to wake up “sick” that day.
Wishing you much gentleness and compassion through this Thanksgiving!